My escaping space

i have to tell everyone this, just in case, one day i am not liable to say so, as i am not his girl friend any more.

 

i met this guy for long time, from interested, to have feeling, to want to share, to like, to love. all the things happened so quickly, sound so crazy and unbelievable. why i am saying that? because i never expect to get anything from him after all the things i did for us. lucky me, i got his love, more than i thought, more than i gave to him.

 

he is a good boy, i have to say, even one day we seperate, i still will to say, he is a good man, respect him please, treasure him please. who will share his love, woo, lucky girl. he is the best man i never met, i mean as a boy friend. the most emotional and romantic man i never met, the man you can trust, can depend on, can give you surprise, you can feel the love from him always. i think that is because he is reasonable responsible man, he knows how much you love him, and if he loves you as welll, then he pay you back as all his loves. he cares about you, as you are his love, that is so real.

 

i am so afraid to lose him, but dont know why, i am so brave now. because i know, if i lost him, that is because i dont deserve him, may he deserve some other kind of girl, not me. all my best.

 

dont get it wrong, we are still so good, like the prince and princess, and... so...that is exactly what i am worrying, no such a thing nowadays. is that real?

 

Little bear, these are the words i want to tell you. i love you, never love someone so real before. never so afraid to loss anyone like you, never feel so brave to speak out that i love someone before. besides, can feel you are saying, i love you too, little bear, to me now, if you see this dairy. that is our love, i treasure it as my life, just hard to say in front of you. dont get me wrong, ok? wish you know my feeling.

 

i have to tell everyone this, just in case, one day i am not liable to say so, as i am not his girl friend any more.

 

 

today is the second time i cried in the office. of course from work. and boss  comforted me then...

 

at first, i just could not control myself, then cried in the bathroom, the reception heard me and... you know what happened... gave me tisue... then boss secretary came in and kept comforting me...

 

ok, i forget to tell you the reason, because they adoubt my filing document way, and even my boss forgot what we said before... i just feel nobody appraciates my work, and how come they think they can change whatever i did without my opinion...

 

the thing is not that serious, it is also the reson why i feel i am stupid now... how come i always cry???

 

really cant cry again... people can understand you once, twice, but not always... i must remember that. i am too young in the office, i need experience and practise more. if i cry once more, people will hate me and wont talk with me then...

 

must be strong! please.

today is my first day working in an office, it is an accounting P/L, in Martin Place. i work there as personal assistance.they give me a table, computer, internet connection, and i can get all the document what i need by myself. to ask my really feeling, i dont know, cant say it until now, maybe still feel i am dreaming or could not believe it until now. hard to say it. but the real thing is i really care about this job, even it comes easy, i mean compare with the others, i get it really dont just depend on myself. of course, my friend helped me lots. thx for that all the things.

 

maybe that is not the right place to say it, maybe i should not say it, but really feel that kind of caring around me so real. you know what he said? just accept that. so simple, but so warm. even myself dont believe that, even my friends could not understand that, but it likes a protection, always there. just hard to say...

 

any way, thank for god giving me this opportunity, and thank for all the things, that is my frist day working, i take it seriously, and hope everything ganna be all right.

这个是一年以前写的东西了，上面的时间是10/24/05 13：23。说实话，看过以后很伤感，觉得怎么当时活得这么不开心。于是告诉自己，不开心的就忘记好了，换个心情。所以，写下来，算是做个了结。

 

安徒生童话中，好多公主，

却只有海的女儿，远离属于她的地方，以为可以找到她想要的东西。

我在感受她的痛苦，

每走一步，脚都在痛。

 

她在笑，却不是为了自己。

她简单，却失去自我。

最后为了成全别人，永远的消失。

 

没有人愿意轻易给与别人快乐，即使他们可以。

欲望的都市中，每一口呼吸都要你的一切为代价。

别说我饮鸠止渴，至少我有尝试。

真诚不代表幼稚，要我表现得多傻你才能明白。

 

我问自己，我要走到哪里才是天涯海角？原来到我走不动的时候才会给我答案。

到时候我会遇见那个合上我双眼的人吗？

我真的是在认真地问。。。

就要送妈妈上飞机了，过海关的时候，轻拍她不再坚挺的肩膀，轻声说，祝你一路顺利！如以前每次我离开家的时候，她给我的祝福。

 

妈妈我想和你说，我很想哭，轻声在你肩膀上哭泣，如以前。但是我不能，女儿已经长大，我要学会照顾自己，还要学会照顾你。

 

妈妈我想和你说，不要哭泣，轻轻抹去你眼角的泪，要坚强。但是我不能，女儿已经长大，知道这样你会更伤感，只有告诉你，我会忙得记不得想你。

 

妈妈，之前你在我身边总说个不停，可是昨晚，为什么你只是听我在说，你却沉默。我问你在想什么，你说只是很累。可今早上却起得很早，给我做早餐。

 

妈妈，我想让你知道，你给我做的牛排，鸡翅，青菜，鱼，虾。。。好好吃啊，虽然当时笑你，这要我吃多少天啊。可是这可是世界上最美味的美食啊。

 

可怜天下父母心啊！女儿在外面经历些许风雨，到现在唯一可以让我这样无声哭泣的就是有你了。

 

妈妈，我真的真的好想你啊！真的。你现在飞到什么地方了？你知道吗？有一天晚上，突然问自己一个很愚蠢的问题，要是有一天你永远离开我，我要怎么办啊？结果那个晚上真的没有怎么睡。我睡不着啊，我好害怕。

 

妈妈，也许你没有什么成就，没有骄人的容貌，但是，你的一举一动，女儿都好关心，你的每一个皱纹，都是女儿心中的问号，为什么妈妈又老了一些，你永远都是女儿心中最在乎的那个人，最重要的那个人，最想保护的那个人。

 

海关外，女儿对您说，要坚强啊！你知道为什么吗？因为女儿心中好心虚啊。我都没有能力保护你，即使你最起码最小的愿望，想和我呆在一起的愿望都无法实现。只好告诉你，要坚强了。妈妈，我都不是那么坚强，我却告诉你要坚强。。。

 

当一个人坐在飞机场外的时候，好空虚啊。满脑子都是你，你灿烂的笑容，你严厉的批评，你信任的眼神。。。

 

妈妈，女儿好挂念你啊！你飞到哪里了呢？飞机上有吃好吗？有晕机吗？有人和你说话吗？你有感觉累吗？你有想我吗？不要想我，这样我会更想你。。。

Mum, I wanna tell you, I have nothing, if I dont have you.

 

女儿明明

My dear assignment, could u please leave me along? i got 3 nights playing with you, and i still dont understand you. could you let me breath for a while and give me a break. it will be appreciated. u just haunt in my world...i cant survive.

I am so happy today, but i dont know why! haha, dont ask me, just be happy with me!